I Have Layers… January 4, 2008

I love that line! It is even more amusing when uttered with a different accent or crazed look on my face each time. Each layer representing a different mood, a different aspect, a different point in my life (which may change daily, hourly, or even before you get a chance to blink).

The majority of my posts here have been rather depressing. This was to be my place to ‘dump’ some of the uglies that creep thru my ‘layers’.

I also have a couple, ok 4, other blogs that I post on.

On one blog I am the Cheer Leader, Supportive Mom  ~ Handing out hugs and band-aides, offering informative bits of news… Very prim and proper. (a blog in which I could send my parents over to read) 

Another blog I am sarcastically witty (at least in my mind), attacking annoying nuances in the news and in my day to day plodding thru life.

Another blog I, well… I post whatever I am feeling, with reckless abandonment to the shock of those who stop in. It is crass, sometimes disgusting, never censored bits and pieces of me.

Each blog is a layer. Although none are false, none paint a complete picture of my slightly-twisted self. A self with whom I am quite content with today. Today is a good day.

I shared this with PA  yesterday and was going to leave it alone. However, today I decided I would share a bit of my crass humor.

WARNING: If you are easily offended by off color humor about body functions, or have a sensitivity to vulgar language ~ You need to go ahead and step away from the blog.

Today, you get to see a a different layer, a side of me that is written when I am am at an almost level state. Be afraid…. hahahahahahahaa (yes, that is evil laughter)  

Well, This is my morning:

First of all, I am on my period. I know, too much info. About a week ago I had to call the plumber to come to the office to unstop the toilet in the ladies room. This is the second time in 3 months. It just so happens that there are only two women here. Me and a 73 year old. So it is safe to say, when he pulled out the tampons that were plugging up the pipe, they had to be mine.

I know … too much information… (yet, I continue………..)

Now keep in mind, the owner of the company is an opinionated little old Italian man. We go back and forth all the time. Right in front of the plumber, he exclaims “Women! What the hell do they put in the commode?”

The plumber is a family friend of mine. He is trying to smooth things over. But, the boss keeps going on and on. Finally, the boss said “Put a sign above the commode. I want nothing to go down these drains but shit.”

I am trying my best not to laugh at him… But, I fail. Instead I put up a sign that reads, “Please do not put paper products in the toilet.”

Fast forward to yesterday:

I am Jonesing chocolate really bad. So, I take care of my cravings by scarfing a pound of peanut M&Ms. (Isn’t that what a person is supposed to do when faced with menstrual cravings?) My period is a major bitch and if the bitch wants chocolate, I drown her in the shit.

Well, I just happen to be developing new allergies all the time. Certain foods make me itch like a som’a’bitch. I am not sure if it is the food dye, the nuts, or something else… But, so help me; If I have developed an allergy to chocolate, my hubby has orders to shoot me and bury me in the back yard.

Move to today:

I have popped a Benadryl to combat the itchies and I am a tad bit woozy. I am sitting on the toilet in the ladies room at work, trying my best to remove my tampon, when the damn thing slips from my fingers and falls in the water. Shit, Fuck, and Damn.

I fish it out, wrap it in paper towels and toss it in the trash… All the while thinking, “I should leave this on my boss’s desk.”

Go ahead and laugh, I am!  Better than crying. Men…